Resiliency through Acceptance - Philosophy of Change

Resiliency through Acceptance - Change is a constant and acceptance is freedom!

Philosophy of Change

Questions you may have

What can I expect?

It can be a challenge to explain what a psychologist does but I believe the more we can describe our work the more it can help you. Mental health providers come from many different disciplines and orientations--I believe it is important to understand where your counselor/therapist/psychologist is oriented--as it will most definitely impact on how you see change and what is involved in that process. I have tried to explain my orientation here and what you can expect from me.

What is my orientation and perspective on change?

In my work with soldiers and trauma, the experience itself has given me a different insight and awareness on how I view what is necessary for one to be "mentally healthy."

First of all, I believe that there is such a wide range of "normal" and to even have a sense of what is "normal" can be quite misleading. Given an extremely stressful situation a "normal" individual can act and feel quite distraught and "not normal."

In my work, my orientation involves navigation not extraction---it is NOT the goal to rid oneself of anxiety, anger or depression but to learn about it and ways to navigate through it all. What is it telling us? What can we learn from it?

In my work, I want people to take note of the feelings they have and learn from them. I am not simply promoting ways to get relief from them--although there are times when knowing how to settle anxiety/depression/anger is important.

I view the process as quite natural and oriented to how we are designed versus how we have redesigned how we "should be."

For me, it is normal to be sad or anxious about various life events and rather than to develop a mindset that CHANGES the landscape to be more "hopeful" or optimistic...my tendency is to work towards acceptance and to avoid trying to change the landscape.

A storm is a storm...no use in viewing it as something it is not. There are times that there is nothing that can take away the thunder or lightening--it is what it is.

Once we can accept, we are not trying to change what is present. We learn that life's journey is a series of high's and lows....and the more we accept this reality, the greater resiliency we will have.

What are some key ideas in your work?

Normal doesn't really exist.

Acceptance is key.

Awareness of oneself is limited by the mind...our goal is to avoid getting caught up in our mind so being "out of our mind" can be a very healthy endeavor.

When we are upset by others, it's often a reflection of what we are frustrated about in ourselves.

Support is extremely important--whether it is from family or other social networks.

We don't really have control over much in our lives.

You will be happy some of the time, and the goal is NOT to be happy all of the time.

To play is to explore--expect the unexpected.

We are are "normal" until we are not.

We will be disillusioned in life and in many ways it is an important juncture for us to take.

Life will change. Resiliency is being able to handle the change.

To be certain, is to lack resiliency and is an inflexible and rigid state of being.

Why do I focus on family treatment?

I find that working with families addresses the reality at hand. When things go well or if they don't--we will have our families around (even if it is only one member). I focus on addressing how families communicate with each other. In my opinion, to learn how to talk with your spouse about problems is much more helpful that being able to talk with a therapist for one hour a week. To feel able to share the ups and downs of life with those close to you is what I work towards and will most always include family members.

The other aspect important to family work is the reinforcement that can happen between members. The idea people looking out for each other is a very healing experience and often we improve when we work towards helping another. So--the idea is that people see ways that they can fill in the "gap" and make improvements in another's life---which will then reinforce their own.

Change is not a one step process....it's ongoing and being supported and reinforced and it can contribute to the awareness that we strive to have.

Do you ever see people for individual treatment?

Of course, because I do believe that it can be helpful to address your problems and get a perspective from someone else. But again, it is important in my work to find ways for people to hook into the environment that exists for them--which might include their parents, grandparents, siblings or spouse.